Bad Habits : CE

Bad habits die hard
Some don't die at all.
I could tell mine didn't
When my head started spinning
Leaving me breathless
Over here clutching for my chest
Cause my heart felt the need to go into arrest.
My stomach tighten into knots
I feel like taking a couple shots
Just to get over you
But that option is long overdue unless you haven't got a clue that I've fallen for you and I can't get up.
I don't want to cause all I want is you
But you say you're not ready.
Well give me an amount of time so I can get into a frame of mind that I can handle and control and my friends won't have to patrol
Because they lost track of me all because I snuck away to cry in peace.
I can't imagine what you would think of me
If ever you truly saw the real me, locked away in a tower to never be reached until those walls are broken down..

Bad habits die hard
And I should know
For you're the one who made it show.

Millie J. Skosher

Faith in Me : CE

How do I know you trust me?
You won't even spill your own tea
Although your secrets are always safe with me.
I'm just trying to get to know you
How else could I make you my own boo?
I've poured my heart out to you.
I've shown you my scars
Yet the most you would do is rap about cars
While I'm sitting here with my head in the stars
Wondering just how far this could go.
What more must I do to show
That I'm here for you, so that we can grow.
Some receive an inch and take a mile
But I don't even know the trick to get you to smile.
I'm trying my hardest can't you see
I'd cross the sea if that was what you asked of me.
You say give it time
And I've been paying half a mind
To do so but I can't help what I feel.
I really need to know if this is for real
Or just another trial
Which will only leave me senile
In the end.

In the end it all comes down to be
In whether you have faith in me
Or it was only just a dream
Where you were being mean..

Millie J. Skosher

Making Me : CE

You make me wanna scream
Wanna cry
Wanna bleed

You refuse to show me
What it is I mean
To you

Constantly saying things
Just to fill my ears
Not at all proving
What you say to be true

My heart races
My eyes water
My skin crawls
I can't seem to control it all

Excited yet scared
Hopeful yet guarded
All I ever wanted was you
But you deny me the smallest sliver
Of your time
Making me feel worthless
By the hour

Making me hurt
Making me cry
Making me scream
Making me overthink
Making me whine

You make me..

Millie J. Skosher

You : CE

I can't help
The way I feel
About you.
I had a thing for you
Since the first time
That we met.

At first,
I shied away
Afraid to be taken
Advantage of because
I was heavily drawn to you.
I've felt many things
In my life,
Yet this was something
Entirely new and nerve wracking.

I can't help
But to fall for you
Each time I see you,
Each time we meet,
Each time we text,
Each time we talk..

Despite my troubled past,
You're a risk I'm willing to take
Which is quite odd for I prefer
To play it safe.
I've never pursued anyone
Before.. I was never adamant
About beginning relationships
But strangely
For you, I'd be absolutely anything
If it means having you around.

All I ask
Is that you stay
And give me a chance
To be enough
For you..

You're the only one
That I want
And I refuse
To be denied
A fair chance.

Millie J. Skosher

The First Year : CE

The first time
Is always the hardest.
It's not a crime
But I don't have the mind
To always be alone.

Nothing can compare
To the physical need
Of sharing one's company.
To physically be alone
Rains down upon my soul,
Cursing the thought
Of Solitude.

I'm tired now
More than ever,
Don't ask me how
For my answers aren't that clever.
I don't wish to sleep,
I've slept enough.
I find it rather tough
To spend so much time
On my own.

I want to dance.
I want to laugh.
I want to sing.
I want to be told
How pretty
My smile can be.

I need sincerity.
I need clarity.
I need someone
That will be there for me.

The first year
Is said to be the hardest
And I think it righteously so.
I need to know.
I need to feel.
I need someone
To be here
Right
Next
To me..

Millie J. Skosher

Lesson Number One : CE

Minutes go by,
I can't fathom a reason why
You would avoid me so.
It feels as though,
Blow by blow
You never really cared for me.

A trusted friend
You are to me
But what am I to you?
Something new
And oddly cool
Cause I trusted you all the same?

All I ask
With all my mind
Is mere correspondence
So I will know
The state of our roles.
It would ease my spirit
And daytime fantasies,
If only you'd respond.

Furthermore,
I shall wait
As my kind heart does,
Yet take mental note
Of Lesson Number One.

Millie J. Skosher

Some Nights

Some nights
I feel like crying.
And others,
Dying.
But one thing's for sure:
No matter the issue,
My love for you is pure.

Some nights
I want to run away.
Some nights
I think you're gonna stray.
Some nights
I wish you wouldn't fight
But I yearn to hear your voice
Every single night.

Through thick and thin
I manage to somehow grin,
As you recount the ways
You love me so.

Some nights
I question your love,
Sometimes doubting
If you were sent from up above.
For better or worse,
Despite the depressing downs
And short-lived ups,
You're the one I desire
At the end of every night.

Millie J. Skosher

Cut Your Losses

Cut your losses.
Quick!
Do it now,
While it's still fresh.
The longer you wait,
The more danger she'll be in
When you actually do.
With you,
It'll hurt 50x more
Than with anyone else.
She's used to people
Coming in and out
Of her life,
But no one
Has ever returned.
That makes you special
Yet much more deadly.
You could mean
The end to her,
To her sanity,
To even her life!
That is,
If you choose
To wait
Until it's too late
To cut your losses
And run.

Millie J. Skosher

Power

Who controls
The Sun
In the Sky?

Who controls
The Moon,
The Stars,
The Sea?
Is it You?
Me?
We?
Us?

No,
It's no one.
You see,
The waves,
Clash onto the shore,
Like nobody's business.
It doesn't apologize
If someone's feet
Gets wet.
It carries on,
Without a care in the world.

The sun,
It shines, rises and sets,
On its own time.
The sun waits
For no one.

The stars,
They do as they please,
Sometimes dancing across
The night sky.
Other times, simply not appearing
With the sky left
As a pitiful abyss.
No matter how hard one wishes or prays,
I simply do not have the power
To make this stubborn world
Go round.

You were supposed to improve
My sick view of the
world, but you failed me.
You failed to be
The light at the end of my tunnel.
So now I've crashed
Into something in this darkness.
Without any light to see,
I can't address my injuries.
I can't call for help,
For help is nowhere to be seen.
I guess I'll just lie here and bleed.
Bleed and bleed until I can't feel anymore.
Only then, you'll wish you had the power.

Millie J. Skosher

2 A.M.

2 am
As I feel my heart breaking
Because it yearns for the you
That is no more.
2 am
My eyes water,
Threatening to overflow
 The lids that hold them there.
2 am
My mind pounds
As the thoughts of insecurity
Run wild within me.
What more could I do
To prove to you
That I'm susceptible to your words,
Defenseless to the bullets you call jokes.
You chide me for being "so sensitive".
Why can't you see
How your words mean a lot to me?
Sticks and stones, right?
Oh how very wrong,
For words will always hurt me,
Especially yours.

Millie J. Skosher

Addicted

Without meaning to,
It seems I've become an addict;
Always craving another's company
Aside from my own.

There are times
Where I prefer solitude
Over the magnitude of a crowd.
But deep down inside
Where I'm covering behind a wall,
I desire to be around someone,
Anyone
That will make my fears
Disappear.

I've only ever wanted
To be good enough
Regardless of my flaws,
Insecurities, and other stuff.

All this time
I've been trying to stay strong
Despite all the people that purposely
Treat me wrong.

You couldn't tell, you couldn't see
What truly is wrong with me.
I hide it all behind a smile
Only because I'd hate to make you
Frown.

I'm an addict.
A druggie.
Consumed
By the way You
Make me feel.

Millie J. Skosher

Day by Day

Day by Day

I love to say

Just how much

I adore You.

Your smile,

Your laugh,

It makes me glad

That I'm the one

You want.

Day by Day

I hear You say

That You will never leave me

Even after all my teasing.

My eyes,

My hair,

At which You stare

Because it simply

Allures you.

Day by Day

You lead astray

All the pain

Inside Me.

Time with You,

My heart renews

As my Love

Grows for You.

Thank You,

Kinglsy,

For choosing to

Go through this

Here with me.

Millie J. Skosher

Mind Dump #1

I feel like the world is conspiring against me. It's like every time I make good progress for myself, something happens to keep me from progressing, something I cannot control. Why? What have I done to not receive happiness? I've always wanted the best for people, can I not receive the same in return? Am I truly a bad person to want to be selfish sometimes, to actually care about myself? So far, I've spent majority of my life caring about everyone else and not myself. I've always treated everyone with respect. I've always provided for people when I could. I was always there for them. But what do I get in return? Absolutely nothing. And those few who actually were there for me, guess where they are now. They're gone, no longer within my reach, or not least not in my reach to make a difference. The people I've allowed to get close to me, to love me, and I love in return, has left; whether it was of their own will or something they could not control. My life is full of nothing but sacrifices, very rarely do I receive anything, because when I do, they're stripped away from me, leaving me all alone. I never let my pain show. No one cared in the first place, so why should they now? After all of this, I just truly need ONE person who will stay with me to The End and After. I don't need temporary friends, I have enough of those already, they're called Classmates. Maybe I'm just meant to travel through this journey of Life alone. Maybe that's what it is, because so far, that's how it seems. What a world we live in, where the Good is Punished and the Bad is Rewarded to the Highest Degree.

Taelor J. Ferguson

Tell Me How.

How?
How does one
Readjust to a place
Where She feels
As though She
Does not belong?

She smiles.
She laughs.
She sings.
She dances.
She is full of hope.
She wishes.

Then Boom.
She hurts.
She cries.
She wants.
She needs.
She breaks.
She bleeds.
She's lost.

In a matter
Of minutes,
Hours, Days,
Weeks, Months,
Her World
Flips Upside Down.
She has to start over
From scratch,
And repair Herself
Just to survive;
Only to be Forced
To start over
Again.

All She ever wanted
Was to be wanted,
To be needed,
To smile,
To laugh,
To sing,
To dance,
To wish,
To be happy,
To be Herself.

Millie J. Skosher

The End.

Every second,
Every minute,
Every hour,
Every day,
Every week
That goes by,
I feel myself slipping
Away from your side.

I promised I'd stay,
But my mind,
A complete disarray,
Is working otherwise.
There's no doubt,
I'll still love you,
But things between us,
You can no longer do.

As weeks go by,
I feel the distance grow,
Not only in my heart,
But also in your show.
You shut me out,
Won't let me in.
How can I
Just continue to pretend?

There's no more us,
No more We.
It's taken a while,
But now I see..
This is the End
Of You and Me.

Dedicated to Him..

Millie J. Skosher

I didn't mean to..

I didn't mean
To become
A distraction.

I wasn't trying
To get in the way.
I thought that
We could be
Friends
Of some sort..

No harsh feelings,
But I hope,
In time,
We can be
Friends
Again...

Please,
Forgive me
For being
Your distraction.
I didn't mean to...

Millie J. Skosher

Your Voice

Your voice is my drug,
Stop and try to listen
As I lay here
And think:
"Boy what have you done to me?"
Not a hint of jealousy
Unless it's from those
Sweating me
But boy I wonder
Do you see
Just what all you do to me.
Making up these fantasies
About you here
Right next to me
Helping me with all these pains,
Trying to make them go away.
Promise me that you'll stay
And there'll be no one in our way.

Don't you see what you have done
Because your voice,
My mind, it's won.

Millie J. Skosher

Going Ghost

I should be used

To feeling this way, 

But I can't help it

When it's with you. 

You

Were supposed to be different, 

To be a new experience,

But you're shaping up

Like the rest. 

Deserted

In a time

Of need, 

Distracted 

By the smell

Of green, 

I can't help

But feel alone. 

Going Ghost

On the ones

We love the most.

No need to boast,

I know you need

Your daily toast. 

Just for note,

I wouldn't have

Been a Ghost..

Millie J. Skosher

Don't Be A Memory

My heart
Beats out my chest.
Tears
Running down
My face.
Things have changed,
And I don't know why.
I haven't lied
So tell me why
Do I feel this way?

I should have warned you
How attached I can get,
How much that I feel,
How needy I can be.
I apologize for being me.

Please,
You mean so much
In just a short amount
Of time.

Your voice,
It's changed.
You really don't
Sound the same.
Is it me,
Or is it you?
Is there anything
That I can do?
I cannot bear
The thought of losing you.
I'll do anything
To make it up to you.
Please,
Don't be
Another memory..

Millie J. Skosher

Polar Opposites

You and I

Have reached that point

Of no return. 

We've progressed 

Into Polar Opposites

Of one another. 

You say right,

I Say left.

I say go, 

You say stop. 

You see green, 

I see red. 

I say up, 

You say down. 

I feel light, 

You feel dark. 

There is

No inbetween

Anymore. 

I have ran

Out of straws

To call
As the last.

How
Can You say
That you trust me
When you accuse me
Left and Right?

I never asked
For any of this.
All I wanted
Was True Happiness.
Yet it seems as though
I won't find it
Here with You
As my Polar Opposite.

Millie J. Skosher