Thoughts for Tonight..

I've always said,
"Oh if I was an only child.."
But after today,
I wouldn't want to be.
Not with this woman
I'm obligated to call
'Mom'.

What has she done,
Besides give me life,
For me?
She certainly hasn't been there
Whenever I needed her.
All she cares about is her appearance.
Not about me.
Shoot, she cares about my brother more than me and I'm her first born.
Most times I wish I was alone with nothing to worry about except myself.
If I could disappear, I would..

Millie J. Skosher

Hardships

Day by Day,
Night by Night.
With these strong feelings,
We're losing sight
Of the reason
That we're together.
Few people are lucky
To even find a love
Like Ours.
But as we continue
To fuss and fight,
I'm afraid for my fears
To be proven right.
I love you,
I truly do.
But sometimes,
It becomes hard for me
To think that you even do.
All these females around you
Reinforces the insecurities in me.
They might look better than me,
Act nicer than me,
Have more than me,
Can make you happier than me,
While I...
I sit here and fuss with you
And put you down,
And make you feel bad.
I hate this,
And you deserve better than I,
That's for sure.
But while you still decide
To stay chained to me,
I will prove that my love is true.
And that in the end,
All the trouble is worth it.
I love you Antwan I. Davis,
Please believe me.
Please stay..
Millie J. Skosher

Dream Tales

Once the final bell rang, everyone headed towards the buses. Your class is closer to the parking lot than mine's, so you waited for me by the doors leading outside. Boy,  I swear to you I just about fought them niggas in the way, keeping me from you. But I had finally ran into you and you had a red shirt on as always. I walked with you towards your bus. Our kiss.. It was so sweet and gentle. I got so carried away that I tripped on your feet but you fell with me. It was just so romantic. After you helped me up you went on your bus and I got on mine. End of story..

It's a Feeling

It's a Feeling
To feel
Of a chance
Of infidelity
On the part
Of your significant
Other.

So far in,
With said feelings
And emotions,
Would I even consider
Such events to occur.
But with that nap nightmare,
And confirmed possible match
Of who the girl could be,
Does my heart ache
For such said truth
To not be known.
Believe it or not,
Sometimes
It is better
To be kept
In the dark.

It's a Feeling
I wish
To not know.
Yet, sadly,
I do.
This feeling sucks
And I very much so
Wish to not feel it.
Not now,
Not ever.

If only,
He could prove me
Wrong..
Then everything
Would be peachy
Again.
But until then,
I must sit
And suffer
In silence
Of a future
I wish to not come.
He says it won't,
But after tonight,
My mind doubts it
And I hate it.

'It's just a dream',
He said..
'You have nothing to worry about',
He said..
Then why do I
Feel this feeling,
So deeply?
This girl,
You said I didn't
Have to worry about,
I now
Have to worry about,
For the sake of this relationship..

Oh,
What a feeling
This is..
I hope
It's only a feeling,
And nothing more.

Millie J. Skosher

The Worst Nightmare [R]

I wrote this to 'Bae' so it's in first person towards him. All the You's and what not is 'Bae'
---------------------
I Woke up hot, scared, and about ready to cry. First, you had a sister named Cici and we were at y'all house in her room. Idk who it was but one of your chick friends showed up and all your attention was on her. Y'all flirted in front of my face like it was nothing. You 'got hot' and took your shirt off. She was already dressed in skimpy ho shit. Y'all used to always play some damn game that ended up with y'all two in Cici's closet. But when y'all got in there, you didn't even notice I was in there too.. Y'all was making out and shit and stripped each other naked. You rolled back then looked at me for once, asking me if I wanted to suck your dick. I ignored you and u just shrugged, taking the other girl into your arms, spreading her out so y'all could fuck. When you went in I couldn't take it, I grabbed cici outside of the room to talk to her. I asked her that if you were a virgin but you're in there doing that, doesn't that mean your not a virgin anymore? She said yes. I said ok, I had to make sure I wasn't wrong.. Then I told her how I thought about letting you be my first and everything since you told me you weren't a virgin.. She said well she got him now, y'all both do. I'm like no, there is no damn sharing and I told him that! She shrugged then left.. I could still hear that girl screaming and shit. But when I got back to the room, y'all were done and only dressed in underwear and shit. I sat on the edge of the bed, the room silent asf. You didn't look at me or say nothing. You just simply kiked me 'Yeah, You're mad at me.' I was about to go off on the both of y'all but then I woke up when I started crying.

Millie J. Skosher

Negative Thoughts

In the early morning of the night, I lay here, crying, thinking about all the bad things I've caused and the pain I've created. I promise you I never meant to do such harm. It's something I can't seem to control, no matter how hard I try. You're in love with a monster! I'm a wreck, a lost cause, an abandoned case. I am terrible for you. These pretty looks hide nothing but pain and sorrow. As innocent I am, I am nothing but trouble. My heart bleeds for you, but I can't have you, for it's way too dangerous. I love you and I hate me. I cause too much pain, you're better off dating someone like Takeisha Jones or Rihana.. I'm sorry, but I hate causing you so much pain. It hurts me too.. I'm an idiot and I belong 6 feet under or locked up in a padded cell in a straight jacket.

-Inner, Dark, Conscious

It's A Pain

It's a pain
In my chest
When I know
I can never
Be enough
For another.
I'm broken.
I'm alone.
I'm difficult.
I'm sensitive.

Everything is wrong
About me.
I push
To the extent
Where You
Don't even want to be
Around me.
I hold
Onto little things
And big things.
You'll start
To hate me
For never forgetting.

I am
No good
For anyone.
I am better
At being alone
So that I
Don't have to
Worry about
Hurting someone
I care
Deeply for..

It's a pain
In my chest
To cry
Every night
Spent alone
In my room.

The world
Would be
Better off
With Me
Gone...

Millie J. Skosher

I Feel Nothing

I Feel Nothing
Because of lies
I use to feel Anger ,Sorrow ,& Excitement
Because of things that were said things that were lies and because of lies I feel nothing I will never love because of lies Never be truly happy because I feel nothing because of the lies .I live in lies the same damn lies I was told when I was a young child is the same BS lies other little girls get told because of lies that dead beats tell us we feel nothing because of the lies that our boyfriends tells us we feel nothing because ever time you tell me something there's always a emotion to it but because of lies  I feel nothing

Dawanna R. Morgan

Not So Funny

I feel
So alone
In a room
Full a people.
A class
Full of peers.
The house
I call home.
No one understands
The pain
I hold inside.
It's come to a point
Where I can't
Even cry.

You think
You know me,
But really,
You don't.
I believe
I was born
To be alone.
Everyone loves me,
Yet I don't feel the love.
Everyone adores me,
Because I'm a lot of fun.

Do you not see,
It's all a joke!
You don't really care!
You don't care at all!
It was only a façade
For sake of my family.
No one could really handle
Me at my worst.
Ah, you must go now,
For worst is soon to come.
I hope you see,
I'm not all fun.

Millie J. Skosher

Dear Loved One..

I'm feeling lost
Yet I know I'm found.
You make me feel safe,
And secure.
I'm absolutely glad
That I let you into my life.
You bring me happiness, laughter, and love.
It's nearly impossible
To stay mad at you,
Especially since
You always make me smile,
One way or another.

Now,

I need you to tell me
If I'm a terrible person or not

Since I am guarded with you

Because of my exes.
In the past,

My heart's been torn,

Broken,

And shattered

Into oblivion.
I now cannot stand

The single thought

Of losing you.
Not to a female

Or anything

That could rip you

Away from me.
Your heart

Is in my pocket,

And mine in yours.
I sincerely ask,
That you take

Extra special care

Of my heart,

As I will yours.

Millie J. Skosher

Confessions

Confessions.
They have their pros
And their cons.
It all depends
On how YOU
Execute them.

It's better
In the end,
To know
The true outcome
After your confession.
A foundation
To something great
Can be born,
Or it can destroy
All there was.
It all depends
On the execution
Of your sins and/or successes.

Confessions..
They can be Good
Or they can be Bad.

Millie J. Skosher

What to Do

All these thoughts
Running through my head,
And I don't know
How to comprehend
All that's being said.

I'm not sure of what to do
When it comes to you..
I hate to upset you,
Or make you feel bad.
Without you, I'm just a shadow
With no light
Nor heart.

I'm empty without you
But I rather the best for you.
If that means I must go,
Then I shall.

It kills me inside,
But I don't know
What else to do..

Millie J. Skosher

Have You Ever

Have you ever
Hated being somewhere
You wish you weren't?
Just because of another's presence?

One foot into the room,
And your whole mood changes.
You hate every single sound,
Every single voice,
Every single person,
Every single thought,
Every single movement,
Every single smile,
Every single frown,
You hate it all.
Every single thing
Possible.

Have you ever
Wished for change?
Change that could affect
Your whole life
With one choice.

Have you ever
Been so frustrated
Over something little
Like a typo,
Or a friend
Who's simply trying
To figure you out.
But what if
You don't want to be
Figured out?
But what if
You don't want to be
Easily read
For the world to see?

Have you ever hated,
Being somewhere
All because of the presence
Of another?

Millie J. Skosher

I've Heard It

I've heard it
Not too long ago.
But I've heard it,
All before.

You sound like
A broken record
That's scratched.
Nothing you say
Is original,
Nothing but a copy
Of what you've said before.

I don't know why
I continue to listen,
As if,
One day,
You'll say something new.
As if,
One day,
You'd become anew.
I don't know why
I continue to listen,
But I know one day,
I'll stop trying,
And let it all go.

But for now,
And call me crazy,
I'll try one last time.
But it will take time,
For me to tell you yes.
So in that time being,
Please be smart and reflect
On all that you've done
In the time we met.

Don't take me for a fool,
Because I know all the tricks.
I've heard it all before,
And before's no longer missed.
But I do miss an individual,
That's no secret at all,
That'll change with time,
As well as my mind.

I've heard it all,
Not too long ago.
Still means,
I've heard it before.

Millie J. Skosher

No One Cares

No one cares
Unless you're crying.
No one cares
Unless you're dying.
No one cares
Until you're fighting,
Fighting for your own Life.
No one cares
Until it's the end.
It'll take years worth
For someone to prove
That they care
About You.

But don't be afraid,
We've all felt this way before.
I know I have,
Plenty of times.

They'll laugh with you
Yet they're laughing at you.
They'll joke with you
Then joke about you.
They don't care,
And they never have.
So grow up,
And see the path,
In which you take,
And theirs.

After it all,
No One Cares.

Millie J. Skosher

I'm Not Good For You

I'm not good for you
If all this happens
In a course of two months.
Our feelings for each other
Are true,
But nothing but trouble
And arguing has happened.
We can barely have a day
Of peace and serenity
To ourselves.
I've lost what you claim
To have seen in me.
My chest heaves
As the thought of an end
Being so near.
I apologize for any pain
I may have caused,
And I know I've caused
A lot for you.

I'm sorry,
But I'm not good
For you.

Millie J. Skosher

It's Me

Who'd of thought
That I was the reason
That he 'changed'
So much.
His dear 'Friends'
Blame me.
I've 'made' him
Cut off the people
Who cared about him.
But that's not true,
I made him do no such thing.
He chose to,
All on his own.
I'm the one
Who tried
My hardest
To talk him
Out of it.

But no,
It's fine,
Blame me.
All you see
Is a change in him
Since we've gone out.
But that's not true,
He barely changed!
I've done nothing
but show him
That I care
And love him.
I need that love
In return too.

What did I
Ever do to you?
How am I
So unlikable
All of a sudden?
Well I apologize,
For being the cause
Of his change..
I'll just leave
Your life now.
Goodbye,
You won't hear
From me,
Anymore.

After all,
It's Me.

Millie J. Skosher

Betrayed

How
Would you feel
When One,
You've trusted,
Turns on you,
Leaving you defenseless?
You'd
Start to feel
Alone too...
Right?

I'm the pit
Of everyone's joke...
I'm the one
Everyone blames...
But I didn't do anything!
I guess it happens
When you're defenseless,
With no one to help.
Apparently,
I'm the root
To every problem
He's had
With his friends.

It's been me,
Always have,
Always will.

This very day,
I've been
Betrayed..

Millie J. Skosher

At The End Of The Tunnel

At The End of the Tunnel
All I See is Never-Ending Darkness.
Not Even the Faintest Hint of Light.
I've Been in this Tunnel so Long,
All I sleep, breathe, and think,
Is Darkness.
But I've come to call It Home.

I've Learned,
Nothing Good Stays for Long.
But If It Does,
Hold It Close,
For You Won't Receive
Another Opportunity
Just Like It.
Nothing Will ever be Given to You,
You Have to Work for It,
And I'm Learning that Now,
The Hard Way.

But Right Now,
At The End of the Tunnel,
All I See is
Never-Ending Darkness.

Millie J. Skosher

Unfair to Me

Is it not
Unfair to me
That I cant
Do this
Or that,
Simply because
I'm a female?
Do you not
Trust me
To do
The Right Thing?
After all,
It's my life,
Right?

I know
You're concerned for me
And all,
But I have 3 years
, Before I move out
And you're all alone,
By yourself.
Yes,
Enjoy our time together now,
But I do need room
To breathe,
To exercise
For the real world
Ahead of me.

It's Unfair
To Me
To hold me hostage
In this house,
Against my will.

Millie J. Skosher

This Time

This time
Things are different.
I want the best
For You
And Him,
But he needs me
At times like this.
You won't believe
How much
We've been though,
That's why
I can't
Leave him now
In the middle
Of everything.
I only wish
That you understand,
How much
He needs me,
And how much
I need him
In a way..

I apologize
For all the pain
I have caused.
But..
This Time..
Things are Different.

Millie J. Skosher

Mistaken Desires

Mistaken Desires
Can hurt the most,
Seeing as
You dreamt them up
Hoping that
They'd be true.

Mistaken Desires
Caught me today
As I was hoping
He
Was just like me.

I had thought
He was clean
And had no experience
Just like me.
But I found out
I was wrong
When he told me
He had banged
An ex of his
From long ago.
I was surprised
Only at first,
Until he mentioned
They wanted to
For their Anniversary.
Now,
Isn't that something?
I felt crushed...
He'll forever hold
A connection
With Her,
Which I thought
I'd of held,
Come time
For such a thing.

Mistaken Desires
Lead to pain,
And I
Should have known better
Than to fall victim
To
Mistaken Desires.

Millie J. Skosher

The Gentle Disease

It feels weird to walk...
I don't want to talk...
I feel dizzy,
Is the room spinning?

What's wrong
With me?
I'm never good
Enough
For someone..
For anyone.

I think I should just..
Keep to myself,
And leave everyone
Alone.
I am nothing
But a hazard
To others,
And myself.

Save yourself,
And be rid of me.
I am
The Gentle Disease,
For when I'm in your system,
I'll kill you slowly...
When trying to save you,
And myself..

Millie J. Skosher

Terrible

I'm a terrible person
To continually hurt those
All around me,
Even if I know it or not.
I never meant to..
But we never do.
Do we?

I'm not worthy of friends
Because in the end,
I only hurt them,
Pushing them away,
Yet wanting them around.
I need them...
And they may need be...
But they don't.
I'm too bad to be needed
Nor wanted.

I don't belong,
I'll miss them so..
But they're better off
Without me.

I'm a terrible person.

Millie J. Skosher

Better

Better
Things are getting.
I'm smiling
Once more.
True Happiness,
Something
I've never felt before.

A great feeling,
To be loved
And/Or liked.
I hope this feeling
Lasts for a while.
I hate for it to change
Because of something stupid.

It seems I may have hurt someone
Just to be happy
But can you blame me
When I've given up
My happiness
For the sake of another's?

From this moment forward,
It's all about me
And my happiness.
And nothing's going to stop me
From doing what I want to,
Not even the bs at home.

I vow,
To be happy
No matter what.

Millie J. Skosher

Pathetic

Pathetic
Is the first word
I think of,
When I see myself
In a mirror.

Why am I
On this planet?
If it's to hurt those
Around me,
Then I'd rather not
Be here.
At all.

Hurt me,
Destroy Me,
Cut Me,
But not the people
I care about.
I'll take the pain
And keep it inside
To myself.
Let me
Be the one
To cry
And get hurt.
But not them,
They don't deserve it,
But I do.

I am not special,
Nor am I of importance.
I'm nothing,
But a serious case
Of bad luck.
Enough!
With the lies
And misjudgments.
You see nothing
But the outside of me.
What about the inside?
Do I not have
Inner Beauty?
Am I that ugly
On the inside
That you see nothing
But the outside?

Why am I here?
I belong
Six feet under,
Watching everyone else
Be happy
Without my interference.
After all,
I'm a no good distraction.

Pathetic
I am.
Important and Special
I am not.

Millie J. Skosher

Confliction

Confliction,
Wanting one thing
And another
At the same time.

My heart
Says one thing,
And my mind
Another.
Why must things
Be so difficult?

I want to follow
My heart,
But my mind won't put logic
To my emotions.
It won't allow my heart
To have
What it wants.
My heart's never satisfied,
Thanks to my mind.
I don't mind,
Because I've done it
For many years,
And it's nothing new.

So please,
Ignore my heart,
Feelings,
Emotions,
Everything.
And listen
To my mind.
Go be happy,
Like I want you to be.
I'll be fine,
As always.
Waiting,
In the Shadows.

Confliction,
An everyday thing
Inside my head.

Millie J. Skosher

Disease

This is not
The first time
I've been used
To hurt one
I truly care for.

Why does this
Continue to happen?
Have I been cursed
With the gift
Of tearing apart
The worlds of those
Around me?
I'm a disease
And I need
To be
Exterminated!

Quickly!
Kill me now,
Before I cause
Anymore pain
To those I love.
I do not mean it,
But it happens
Anyways,
Every time.

Why?
Because,
I Am A Disease.

Millie J. Skosher

The Best You Ever Will Have

I'm the best
You ever will have.
But now,
You're a part of my past.
If we were meant to be,
We could have seen,
But you were just
To different for me.
So now I move on,
Happy as can be.
Because you and I,
Weren't meant to be.
It's only smart,
For you to move on,
You wanted to be friends,
But we don't belong.
This is my Farewell,
And final it is.
I've put much thought into this.
There will never be another like me,
Because I'm the best
You could have had.

Millie J. Skosher