The Words I can never say.. Cause they get stuck in my throat

 

Loneliness creeping in...

I know I'm not alone in this world,
But I'm alone in my mind.
Yes I'm around people that care for me,
And my mental and physcial state.
But I feel alone...
I know I can talk to them,
But they all have their own issues to tend to.
Adding mine on top of theirs won't help anyone of us.
So I return to this blog,
That's gonna disappear soon,
Unless I pay a fee
Which I have no money to do so...

I'm just destined to be ripped apart,
Inside and Out...
I try to fix that with all my heart,
But to no avail.
So I sit here once again,
Moping and on Youtube listening to the saddest songs ever,
Over and over on repeat..

I'll just do what I do best,
Keep it to myself
And ignore them as best as I can..
But that only shortens the time, on this ticking time bomb of mine,
May all the ones I love,
Have found a shelter to hide from me,
When this bomb explodes...

So I greet this feeling with a smile,
Looking for an escape.

Let this Loneliness creep on in...
I've been waiting for your return.

 

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Trinity's Poem

wish you were not gone so long.. wish you where there the wole time wish you were feeling better wish you knew ... evey thing wish you didnt make this so easy. wish you didnt make this so hard wish you would just talk to me.. wish you understood how much i hate leaving you at night wish you knew that you mean so much .. wish you understood how much this sucks.

 

 

Skyeandromeda

Turns for the best...

The two main ones behind all the drama
Are finally gone...
And its been calm and happy since then.
No fights or anything.

So everything with me should be better.
Him and I are on the same page,
No hard feelings at all.
When I supposedly lost him,
He was there the whole time
Only staying in the shadows,
Due to the other problem makers.

But now that they're gone
We finally have a chance to be a family again.
And it's the happiest feeling I've ever felt in a long time.
I hope it stays for a long time to.
I'm drama free and I love it!!! :D
♥♥♥

 

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Madness

Today...
Things had gotten cleared up between the two friends,
But other things stirred in the middle of it all.
One got mad cause her pw was changed,
The other didnt want to lose her so she left too...

And I know it's all my fault when they say I wasnt involve..
It all adds up,
It's just a matter of seeing it.
Take the time now to look back as to what started my blogging then what followed after it.

Once you see it, you may continue on.

So really, it all links back to me.
I'm the one to blame,
Yes, tell me it's not,
But I know inside that it's me...
I've been rude to them since they came back..
So now this is the price I pay...
These feelings are too much
what with them on top of the ones from earlier..
I know I have people that will never leave,
But it still hurts that there are some that leave anyway.

This is why I have no heart,
That's why it's locked in a box
Where no one can touch it and no one can break it...
It's fragile as it is,
Why break it anymore..

Oh the Madness with in my mind...

Chaya M. Darkness

Im not worth it...

I'm a lost cause
And we all know its true.
No one might not want to tell me myself,
But keeping it from me only leads me to
Find out for myself...
Which is a dangerous way to go..
Cause my life is ****** all the way up now.
And there's no going back for me.

So why should we keep secrets from me?
It's best to tell me now..
Because I dont know where I'll be anytime soon,
Sane or Insane...

But I know one thing for sure,
I'm not worth it...

 

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Crashing down...

Everything around me
Is crashing down...
It came from behind
Where I didn't expect it.
Actually, It came at me at all sides,
I just didnt see it to the last moment...

Now Im heartbroken and beaten,
Lost in this world.
I feel like Im losing it all,
Slowly but surely...
There's nothing to help me now...
I'm just a time bomb.. closer to the end of its countdown...
With no one to cut the correct wire or stall for more time.

Some life I have...
When everything's
Crashing down...

 

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Disappearing...

It may not look like it now
But slowly,
I'm loosing the ones closest to me.
They're either finding new ways to occupy their time,
Or getting pissed at me,
Day by Day...

I mean I am happy for her,
Able to work to be with the one she loves,
But I'd want to be selfish for once,
And have her all to myself..
But what I fail to see,
Is that the more they're around,
The more they start to not want to be around...

I know I have some that say they will be here,
But when push comes to shove,
Will they?
They may tell me again and again,
That they will,
But will they?

All these questions are tormenting my mind..
So I sit and strugle, wondering what will come to be...
Of me...
'Fore all around me is slowly
Disappearing...

 

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Traveling back down that dark path...

I see myself Traveling back down that dark path.
The same path I've traveled so many times...
Something I will never forget.

Why are you feeling this way again?
Well, there are the littlest things that set me off...
I'd love to go into detail about that trigger,
But it'd be a dead giveaway,
'Fore I've written about this one person so many times,
And I hope for things to get better,
But they never do.

Yes we all have our own home problems to deal with,
But this has affected me so many times, Rp AND Rl...
To a point where I start to doubt wether I can survive in both without the other...
So I sit here with tears running down my face,
Wondering if I was ever on his mind while I wasn't able to see him.
Yes I saw him yesterday,
But that didn't count... Because the feeling wasn't really there..
I was only told a warning,
About a friend I'll no longer have...
I was glad to see him,
But I don't think it was the same.

So I stand here, once again, wondering
What will be...
I stand, staring down that Dark Path,
That, it seems, I'm destined to travel down once again.

 

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Destruction

Destruction....
A force I can not stop.
Something that will follow me everywhere,
Places I don't want it to go.

So I stand here right now,
Standing in the middle of disaster.
The two that I had wanted to be together forever,
Are having their own issues containing respect.
I had them promise me to never end up like me and my sisters,
Fighting all the time.
Yet I stand here, watching the fight with words and fists.

I swear if they ever seperate,
I'll be the one to blame.
Why you must ask?
Because of
Destruction...

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Am I...

Am I that horrible,
To where no one wants to be around?
Horrible to where I'm not wanted around,
Afriad that I'll ruin their fun?

Am I that sadistic,
To where no one even decides to invite me,
To where ever they plan on going with everyone else?
Sadistic enough to the point where I'm not even thought about anymore,
When fun comes to minds?

I must be,
Because when someone says they'll be here for me,
They never are...
Yeah, they might want me to cheer up,
But do they really care?
Cause seems they don't...
They only care if I ruin it all for them..

This is why I shouldnt be kept around...

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Uncle Reff's Poem. God.

God
We all know
He around us
But
Do we pray for Him
Or do we listen to His word
Has He speak about it
In His bible
God
Our Lord Jesus Christ

 

Refine

An Echo...

His words were a soft, small echo
Within my head.
Words that keep repeating themselves over and over,
In my head...

As they kept repeating themselves,
Her smile becaming happier and happier.
Why was she happy?
After all that she had felt,
Why smile?
Because within those words,
Was a sign.
A sign that told her that she was wanted.
That she wasn't going anywhere, and that deep down
He cared.

So within these words,
That kept repeating in her head,
Was the happiest feeling
She had ever felt,
From one that had hurt her so much.

Words I wont forget,
Words that were a soft sweet
Echo...

 

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Broken...

I sit here wondering,
Wondering if I will ever get better.
For the sake of my sanity
Is at risk when
All I can think about is You.

You broke me down
Tore me piece by piece.
But I still stand,
Suffering from what could have been.

You mentioned that you BOTH could have disowned me,
That had hit home.
So now I sit here, wondering what could have been.

Why?
Cause I was
Broken...

Chaya M. Darkness