Shot Down... Once Again

Laid my heart out
On the line
But it was shot down
Once again.
Just like before,
Left for another..

Got me guessing,
What the fuck
Is wrong with me?
The second time,
I've been put down,
Seen only as a friend
To one I truly loved.

Maybe it wasn't meant to be
Wasnt meant for me to find love
In this life
Or this world.

People ask,
"Would you give up your happiness for another to be happy?"
I reply,
"I would."
And I'm quickly regretting that answer...
But what's the point of being happy,
When that other isn't happy with you?
So I guess I did the right thing,
But I'm damn sure hating it.

It's in my genes,
My instict,
To give up myself,
For another.
But when the time comes
For someone to do the same,
I'm left alone..
Deserted.

Exactly like before,
Except this time
It hurt worse.

I've been shot down
Once Again.

Chaya M. Darkness

Finally Found Myself...

I've Finally Found Myself,
In You.
You've made me see the light,
In the Darkness.
And for that,
I give you my all,
Everything I can
Just so that I can have you
All to myself.

Thank You,
For being there
In a time
When I needed you most.
You're the best I ever had
And could have. <3

As you promised me,
I promise you that
I'll never hurt you
And do everything I can
To be with you and make you happy.
I Promise.

You have finally made me see that
I've Found Myself in You. ♥

Chaya M. Darkness

Satisfied With Where I Am .

This very day,
I sit with a smile on my face
Finally.

I've been waiting forever
To belong somewhere.
And for once,
I do.

I only have a few people
To thank for such a gift.
But I thank EVERYONE
For everything that happened
That pushed me
To finally accept myself
For who I am
And be happy,
With another who accepts me,
As me.

And I'd love for that person,
They should know who they are,
To smile and feel loved,
Because you helped me finally realize
That I belong somewhere
In this world.


If we're meant to be together,
We'll be together.
We'll over come any obstacles
Thrown our way.

Love you all. : ) ♥

Chaya M. Darkness

The Battle Within: Part Two

;; The clock strikes 12, the four booms echoing through the forest. The Voices have officially returned, permanently. But this time, they're welcomed like old friends. Her eyes fade out to black, the moon taking it's place in the dark blue sky. The wolves howl out to it, guarding the forest grounds like they volunteered to. Chaya didn't mind, but Lovie sure did. Lovie disliked the wolves because they were always there, a set back in her plans. The wolves also prevented Lovie from causing more pain to the body of Chaya, so she had kept her distance from them, hiding out within Chaya for now. The voices were friends to Lovie but enemies to Chaya. But after everything.. They're slowly becoming friends with Chaya as well. Except this time.. There was something different about the voices. This time, they came with a dark intention, darker thoughts to harass Chaya with... And that was to destroy her... Mentally that is so Lovie could take full reign. Chaya knew of their plans, but she didn't pay them any mind. And at this point, this very moment, she wouldn't mind. Because all that seemed to happen lately was either her getting yelled at or one she holds close is being hurt so they left. But she knew she had to stay strong for her babies Jessy and Jay.. But how could she, when she felt so weak? These thoughts bothered her as she felt unfit for the two or Sanai, even if she does need her at a time like this. A time where Sanai, herself, is going through her own problems.. Ones that hurt her so much that she had left Jessy and Jay in Chaya's care so she could go take a break and think things over. Chaya's hair straightens out, her bangs forming over her eyes. The wind carries on the scent of the canines, telling her that they were there and on duty. She shakes her head, moving towards the middle of the forest. With the help of her brother Kiegan, who had left her all alone, she was able to pin point the exact middle of the entire forest. Standing now in that very spot, she looks up to the sky where her and Kiegan had set up a spider's web that she was able to sit on if she had said the magic word the two had come up with. Whispering, she said, "The heart knows all, but the mind knows nothing." Those were the magic words and Chaya could now find her self on the web, dangling more than 100 ft from the ground. Impressed with the out come of her and Kiegan's work, she smiles, laying back into the orange spider web. Her eyes switched between black and red repeatedly as she stared longingly at the moon. Chaya did change... but then again, she didn't. She's still the same person she was when she was first born.. the only thing that changed was her feelings for some people and her thinking process. Other then that, she was still the same old Chaya who cared and loved for her family. Who'd do anything to protect them.. And that very thing has led to many fights with the ones she held close.. Especially two people. And that would be the Emperor and Empress of Darkness. The Voices, intrigued with the direction of Chaya's thoughts, they decided to pull back up some similar thoughts that Chaya has had before when such events had happened. And in doing so, only one thought had put her tears.. And that thought was that she was sure her parents probably regretted taking her in as their Chaya Mia Darkness.. Everything that has happened has happened because of her... When everything could of been avoided if they hadn't taken her in. They tell her it's not her fault, but she knew that everything WAS her fault, no matter who had said what to her, it was her fault. And they say they love her, and they probably do... But that doesn't make her feel any different from how she does now or from before. She was the mistake that should of never happened. And she wished that she could didn't exist, so everyone could be happy without the likes of her around. What people failed to see was that it's dangerous leaving her alone to think about things like this, but it was also dangerous keeping her around. As much as she wanted to escape so everyone could be happy again, she knew that she'd miss them all too much, and since she got too involved with everyone, they'd miss her too... Which prevented her from doing such, no matter how much she wanted to leave. But there were some good things that came out of her existence.. She found great people in others and became great friends with them. Even loved them as her own.. But she was told that there's always an end to great things.. As much as she wished that ending wasn't near, she fears that it just might. Literally and Metaphorically, her heart was broken. And there was only a few pieces that remained, the others had dissolved back into the ground, returning back to the earth's core as a gift to Gaia, Mother Nature. Chaya AND Lovie have been through so much together, to a point where everything is just getting harder and harder, when it's supposed to be getting easier.. Right? Wrong. No matter what they over come together, everything gets harder. A never ending test for the two that only gets harder and harder with every problem. And they weren't aloud to quit, but they have breaks that they have yet to use. And who knows... They just might use one... ;;

"The Battle Within: Part Two."
Author: Chaya Mia Darkness, Lovie "Mia" Darkness.

The Battle Within: Part One.

~ Lovie, now in control, vanishes into the night, Chaya as her hostage within her mind. The first place she stops is the Forest of Darkness. Even though Lovie is in control, she's still pestered by Chaya's thoughts, since she continues to tell herself how she's not the one for Sanai and how's she's a terrible pappy and Sanai would be better off with another. Even though Lovie wishes for Chaya to let it go and shut up, she slowly starts to think that Chaya might be right. What with her being depressed, angered, and upset all at the same time... She wouldn't be able to do what she needed to for Sanai and her mother Juney. Withdrawing to an isolated tent to the far edge of the forest where the forest's border lines the outskirts that has yet to be explored. Chaya continues to batter herself with insults of all kinds about any and everyone. But of course Lovie soon tunes her out to torture the body of Chaya, making yet another scar along her face. Yes the pain gives her joy and excitement, she smiles darkly, her eyes turning a darker shade of red. Lovie didn't have to deal with the pain like Chaya does since pain gives Lovie a type of adrenaline that pain shouldn't give a person. But after all.. Lovie IS a Darkness and it's true.. The Darkness does like pain at times. It's only a part of Lovie. Chaya, now screaming at Lovie to stop ruining her body, tries her best to regain control, but Lovie, the stronger side of course, shuts her down. Silencing her for one. Pleased with the silence, she leans on the tent's wall, dragging her black tipped nails through her now long jet black hair. Her eyes switching between a light red and a dark red. All is quiet within the forests, not one creature dares to make a sound, fearing death by Lovie's forces. ~


"The Battle Within: Part One."
Author: Chaya Mia Darkness, Lovie "Mia" Darkness.

R.I.P.

Im the bad guy n we all kno... Wonderful. Can't accept me for who I am n how I feel... Then it won't work for none of us.

But I'd like to take a moment of silence n pay respects to the now Lost Mind of Chaya Now Darkness. May her mind rest in peace. v.v
....
.....
....
....
...
..
...
...
Now.. for the burial...
-Stands and lowers the jewelry box full of pictures of her past life and happy memories, souvenirs, and treasures-
Her mind should be in a better place now... You will never be forgotten. You meant a lot to me... Idk bout everyone else but to me u were sum special. R.I.P.

May the Dark Lord watch over you and care for you. You will be missed.
-Kisses my index and middle fingers then points to the spot where the box was just burried. Sighs and turns my back, walking home, my hood covering my face. But if anyone was to see my face.. they either see three things... My now showing fangs, or my eyes a bottomless pit of no emotion or my eyes a burning red that only had signs of evil within them.-

Lost This Fight...

Lost this fight...
A battle with myself
I thought would be worthwhile.

But along with my mind
Went my feelings.
Leaving behind
A not so pleasant Chaya.
But it wouldn't really be Chaya..
Fore she goes by an ironic name.
Lovie has come to stay..
And she's your worst nightmare.

She doesn't give two **** bout ur feelings.
Cause all she does is protect her own.
She may be wicked and evil..
But she has feelings within.
So beware thy lovelies..
Lovie's on the loose
And she's comin straight for you.

(Lovie's Birth name would be Mia...)



Chaya Mia Darkness

Suffering in Silence..

It feels right,
To Suffer in Silence.
Especially when a thought,
Drives you mad.

But it seems
Oddly comfortable,
Since these feelings are familiar.

It brings me pain though,
To endure these feelings,
Over and Over...
With the same drama,
That could've been gone.

It's my nature,
To Suffer in Silence,
Because bringing others down with me,
Isn't me at all...

After all I've been though,
My efforts were a waste,
Because in the end..
Nothing was changed.
And I was left to
Suffer in Silence.

Chaya M. Darkness

Changes..

It's all looking to get better.
'Fore it was going really well,
The 6th of October,
Seemed to be the day..

But it all changed,
When Kairee had to just say that I,
ME OF ALL PEOPLE,
HAD CHIARA'S NAME!!!!!
-.-

Now we all know that the DARKNESS NAME
DOES NOT BELONG TO HER.
SHE WAS DISMISSED.
BUT STILL HANDS ONTO OUR FRIGGIN NAME.

Now I also know that I'm not the only one that would have gotten mad.
I'm pretty sure Pappy and Moomie would have been fired up and writin novels about her and all that.
And it makes me mad cause Chiara's probably running around claiming the Darkness name when we have nothing to do with her.

Here's wut happend:

iiKaireeLegendary has joined the chat

PRxPRODswagg: O_O
ChayaMDarkness: Oh gawsh...
PRxPRODswagg: my bad i thnk
ChayaMDarkness: -Puts on my censor tape and stays put in the corner-
PRxPRODswagg: grr i hate wen i invte sumone nd sumone log off or on nd u invite da wrong person
PRxPRODswagg: z
iiKaireeLegendary: ChayaMDarkness
ChayaMDarkness: -Moves my tape- That's my name.
PRxPRODswagg: omgeesh

ChayaMDarkness: Wut about it?

ChayaMDarkness: Can I help you?

iiKaireeLegendary: u got my twins name thats all\

ChayaMDarkness: <.<
ChayaMDarkness: No
ChayaMDarkness: She got MY NAME
ChayaMDarkness: Ugh... And there it went

ChayaMDarkness: Out that window

iiKaireeLegendary: brb

ChayaMDarkness: -.-*

Evidence.

Bleep My Life... -.-

Chaya M. Darkness

Faithy's Poem {She's On Fire}

She's On Fire...

Shes just a girl and shes on fire
Hotter than a fantasy,longer than a highwayS
hes living in a world, and its on fire
Feeling the catastrophe,but she knows she can fly away

-To ChayaMDarkness

A revisit of that Dark Path...

Pain leading me down that Dark Path once again...

I see myself Traveling back down that dark path.
The same path I've traveled so many times...
Something I will never forget.

Why are you feeling this way again?
Well, there are the littlest things that set me off...
I'd love to go into detail about that trigger,
But it'd be a dead giveaway,
'Fore I've been hurt by this one person so many times,
And I hope for things to get better,
But they never do.

Yes we all have our own home problems to deal with,
But this has affected me so many times, Rp AND Rl...
To a point where I start to doubt wether I can survive in both without the other...
So I sit here with tears running down my face,
Wondering if I was ever on his mind while he was happy with another.
Yes he told me he felt the same,
But nothing really changed... Because the feeling wasn't really there for him..
I was the only one..,

So I stand here, once again, wondering
What will be...
I stand, staring down that Dark Path,
That, it seems, I'm destined to travel down once again.
'Fore everything I see...
Only reminds me of how I'm not able
To be with him,
Because of two things
'Her and my Parents.

I feel alone when it comes to him,
Cause he was really the first,
And still is.
And to not be able to be with him,
Kills me dearly
Since we're really close.
I hate how he's my friend aswell,
'Fore I cant leave him alone,
Without hurting him too.

I always wished that it had gone about differently,
So my heart wouldn't be so fragile as it is.
But I can't time travel and undo what was done.
So I must sit through this,
Helpless and Alone...
Ah, How Insanity seems like the perfect escape right now...

Broken Down,
Piece by Piece,
Once again
But by another..

Chaya M. Darkness

A Crossroad..

I sit and stare,
No longer able to bare
The pain I hold inside
As you continue on,
In your life..
And I'm stuck at this crossroad.

At times like this,
I turn to Drake
Yet his words only make me hurt more,
'Fore he ALSO wants me to move on
But yet that choice is the hardest
Yet the easiest
At the same time.

My mind is torn into two;
Move on and Stand Still
And they both have their reasons
But each choice comes with a consequence.
Which leaves me to choose which one I can live with...

Yet I cant live without the other...

v.v

Chaya M. Darkness.

Sanaya's Promise

Chaya, I know you think that I picked Yang over you. I would never do that. EVER. You're my best friend & you've been here for me always. I haven't been trying to cheer you up because you're pissed at me : You've been doing all kinds of good stuff to me & me.. I don't do anything. Well I'm sure one of the reasons you're emotional is because of me. But I want you to know something, I would never, & I mean EVER !!! Pick a guy over you, you are my best friend. You've been the only one that understands me. The thing about the interests, yesterday I took everything out of my interests & added them again. Idk what happened, probably clicked the x too fast. But you are my betsestest friend & I wuld never choose a guy over you,EVER. & I'm mean this. I'm so serious right now. You're like the realest person ever & Your the best ever. & I love you & i don't want our friendship to end cuz of me :L


Sanaya M. Caramelz (MoneyBagz)

The One For Me...

The One For Me...

There’s no one better for me..
Than Me.

I know what I like
I know what I hate
I know what makes me sad
I know what makes me mad
I know what makes me cry
I know what makes me scream
I know what makes me laugh
I know what annoys me
I know what irritates me badly
I know how to make myself feel better
I know when I’m not in the mood
I know when I’m up for anything
I know what will make me go quiet
I know what leaves me speechless
I know how to make myself smile
I know how to surprise myself
I know what I love
I know what’s a touchy subject
I know what type of music I like
I know what I love to eat
I know what I like to share
I know what I will and won’t eat
I know what I’m allergic to
I know what pisses me off quickly
I know how to calm myself down
I know my strengths
I know my weaknesses
I know what I hold close to my heart
I know when I’m not needed
I know when it’s time for myself to move on
I know what I’m self conscience about
I know what scares me
I know what gets me hyped
I know what I’m about
I know what my heart wants
I know who’s in my heart
I know that Drake can be a friend or Foe to me at times

Who else should I be with?
Myself, of course.
Cause no one knows me better
Than myself

Chaya M. Darkness

Empress Chiya Darkness's Poem

I love my Mommy...

Throughout everything we've been through together,
There's really only been a small amount of people
That stayed with me,
Through any and everything.
And there's one special person I'd like to talk about now.

And that's the one and only Chiya A. Darkness.
My mother, Protector, Rock, Homie, Friend, Twin, Sister, My Everything.
Thank you for being here for me in my many times of need.

You're the best.
All I could ever ask for.
My Mommy.
Me Love chu long time. Hehe
Chaya M. Darkness

The End of SS

The end...
Has come
For our dear...
Simple Site..

It chose to disappear...
In the time I needed it most.

So now my dear Blogger
Has been with me til the end.
Faithful as it is,
I hope it won't leave,
Just like Simple Site.

Thank you,
Blogger for being here for me,
When Simple Site couldn't.

:)

The Words I can never say.. Cause they get stuck in my throat

 

Loneliness creeping in...

I know I'm not alone in this world,
But I'm alone in my mind.
Yes I'm around people that care for me,
And my mental and physcial state.
But I feel alone...
I know I can talk to them,
But they all have their own issues to tend to.
Adding mine on top of theirs won't help anyone of us.
So I return to this blog,
That's gonna disappear soon,
Unless I pay a fee
Which I have no money to do so...

I'm just destined to be ripped apart,
Inside and Out...
I try to fix that with all my heart,
But to no avail.
So I sit here once again,
Moping and on Youtube listening to the saddest songs ever,
Over and over on repeat..

I'll just do what I do best,
Keep it to myself
And ignore them as best as I can..
But that only shortens the time, on this ticking time bomb of mine,
May all the ones I love,
Have found a shelter to hide from me,
When this bomb explodes...

So I greet this feeling with a smile,
Looking for an escape.

Let this Loneliness creep on in...
I've been waiting for your return.

 

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Trinity's Poem

wish you were not gone so long.. wish you where there the wole time wish you were feeling better wish you knew ... evey thing wish you didnt make this so easy. wish you didnt make this so hard wish you would just talk to me.. wish you understood how much i hate leaving you at night wish you knew that you mean so much .. wish you understood how much this sucks.

 

 

Skyeandromeda

Turns for the best...

The two main ones behind all the drama
Are finally gone...
And its been calm and happy since then.
No fights or anything.

So everything with me should be better.
Him and I are on the same page,
No hard feelings at all.
When I supposedly lost him,
He was there the whole time
Only staying in the shadows,
Due to the other problem makers.

But now that they're gone
We finally have a chance to be a family again.
And it's the happiest feeling I've ever felt in a long time.
I hope it stays for a long time to.
I'm drama free and I love it!!! :D
♥♥♥

 

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Madness

Today...
Things had gotten cleared up between the two friends,
But other things stirred in the middle of it all.
One got mad cause her pw was changed,
The other didnt want to lose her so she left too...

And I know it's all my fault when they say I wasnt involve..
It all adds up,
It's just a matter of seeing it.
Take the time now to look back as to what started my blogging then what followed after it.

Once you see it, you may continue on.

So really, it all links back to me.
I'm the one to blame,
Yes, tell me it's not,
But I know inside that it's me...
I've been rude to them since they came back..
So now this is the price I pay...
These feelings are too much
what with them on top of the ones from earlier..
I know I have people that will never leave,
But it still hurts that there are some that leave anyway.

This is why I have no heart,
That's why it's locked in a box
Where no one can touch it and no one can break it...
It's fragile as it is,
Why break it anymore..

Oh the Madness with in my mind...

Chaya M. Darkness

Im not worth it...

I'm a lost cause
And we all know its true.
No one might not want to tell me myself,
But keeping it from me only leads me to
Find out for myself...
Which is a dangerous way to go..
Cause my life is ****** all the way up now.
And there's no going back for me.

So why should we keep secrets from me?
It's best to tell me now..
Because I dont know where I'll be anytime soon,
Sane or Insane...

But I know one thing for sure,
I'm not worth it...

 

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Crashing down...

Everything around me
Is crashing down...
It came from behind
Where I didn't expect it.
Actually, It came at me at all sides,
I just didnt see it to the last moment...

Now Im heartbroken and beaten,
Lost in this world.
I feel like Im losing it all,
Slowly but surely...
There's nothing to help me now...
I'm just a time bomb.. closer to the end of its countdown...
With no one to cut the correct wire or stall for more time.

Some life I have...
When everything's
Crashing down...

 

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Disappearing...

It may not look like it now
But slowly,
I'm loosing the ones closest to me.
They're either finding new ways to occupy their time,
Or getting pissed at me,
Day by Day...

I mean I am happy for her,
Able to work to be with the one she loves,
But I'd want to be selfish for once,
And have her all to myself..
But what I fail to see,
Is that the more they're around,
The more they start to not want to be around...

I know I have some that say they will be here,
But when push comes to shove,
Will they?
They may tell me again and again,
That they will,
But will they?

All these questions are tormenting my mind..
So I sit and strugle, wondering what will come to be...
Of me...
'Fore all around me is slowly
Disappearing...

 

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Traveling back down that dark path...

I see myself Traveling back down that dark path.
The same path I've traveled so many times...
Something I will never forget.

Why are you feeling this way again?
Well, there are the littlest things that set me off...
I'd love to go into detail about that trigger,
But it'd be a dead giveaway,
'Fore I've written about this one person so many times,
And I hope for things to get better,
But they never do.

Yes we all have our own home problems to deal with,
But this has affected me so many times, Rp AND Rl...
To a point where I start to doubt wether I can survive in both without the other...
So I sit here with tears running down my face,
Wondering if I was ever on his mind while I wasn't able to see him.
Yes I saw him yesterday,
But that didn't count... Because the feeling wasn't really there..
I was only told a warning,
About a friend I'll no longer have...
I was glad to see him,
But I don't think it was the same.

So I stand here, once again, wondering
What will be...
I stand, staring down that Dark Path,
That, it seems, I'm destined to travel down once again.

 

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Destruction

Destruction....
A force I can not stop.
Something that will follow me everywhere,
Places I don't want it to go.

So I stand here right now,
Standing in the middle of disaster.
The two that I had wanted to be together forever,
Are having their own issues containing respect.
I had them promise me to never end up like me and my sisters,
Fighting all the time.
Yet I stand here, watching the fight with words and fists.

I swear if they ever seperate,
I'll be the one to blame.
Why you must ask?
Because of
Destruction...

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Am I...

Am I that horrible,
To where no one wants to be around?
Horrible to where I'm not wanted around,
Afriad that I'll ruin their fun?

Am I that sadistic,
To where no one even decides to invite me,
To where ever they plan on going with everyone else?
Sadistic enough to the point where I'm not even thought about anymore,
When fun comes to minds?

I must be,
Because when someone says they'll be here for me,
They never are...
Yeah, they might want me to cheer up,
But do they really care?
Cause seems they don't...
They only care if I ruin it all for them..

This is why I shouldnt be kept around...

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Uncle Reff's Poem. God.

God
We all know
He around us
But
Do we pray for Him
Or do we listen to His word
Has He speak about it
In His bible
God
Our Lord Jesus Christ

 

Refine

An Echo...

His words were a soft, small echo
Within my head.
Words that keep repeating themselves over and over,
In my head...

As they kept repeating themselves,
Her smile becaming happier and happier.
Why was she happy?
After all that she had felt,
Why smile?
Because within those words,
Was a sign.
A sign that told her that she was wanted.
That she wasn't going anywhere, and that deep down
He cared.

So within these words,
That kept repeating in her head,
Was the happiest feeling
She had ever felt,
From one that had hurt her so much.

Words I wont forget,
Words that were a soft sweet
Echo...

 

 

Chaya M. Darkness

Broken...

I sit here wondering,
Wondering if I will ever get better.
For the sake of my sanity
Is at risk when
All I can think about is You.

You broke me down
Tore me piece by piece.
But I still stand,
Suffering from what could have been.

You mentioned that you BOTH could have disowned me,
That had hit home.
So now I sit here, wondering what could have been.

Why?
Cause I was
Broken...

Chaya M. Darkness